To one of the most influential, caring, loving, inspiring, individuals in my life!!
There has never been a day that has passed by where I felt as if you did not have my back and give me full support in whatever I would engage myself with. You're so close when it feels like months and months have separated us when we last would see each other. With all bumps on the roads that have brought us to where we are now...and onward to the rough waves of the seas that lie ahead...I thank you for always being there...but mainly being yourself.
Despite the subtle change that inevitably occurs in everyone's lives; please do not forget where we've come from and the amazing journey's we have gone through. It has been fun and I do hope our crazy wild adventures continue because you bring out the best of me when I least expect it.
Thank you. You are someone much more. Please don't forget who you are when you feel lost. Find yourself and you'll be okay. :)
Cheers. To you. My best friend & LFpartner.
Happy Birthday Shiny (Crystal, yup your real name is in brackets). May all your best wishes come true.
Love you lots <3!!!
~060103 637
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
2010 greatness
First, I would like to apologize for not posting to those who follow me or check up for updates. I have been slacking off in the blogging department only because I find myself not having much to talk about anymore. I guess it comes with growing up. In high school I found myself "blogging" all the time through AA, livejournal/xanga and finally moving on to facebook notes. I'd type a huge entry with all the small details of the day, issue and/or event i would be talking about. I have cut down piece by piece to the point where i wouldn't write anything at all. I guess I've tried to paint that picture for my readers but with words because the art at that time was lacking (still is). But I am no writer after all. But regardless I just wanted to say that.
This summer, heck, THIS YEAR has been so exciting. As each day passes its just "what's next, what's next, what's next!??!" Getting accepted, opportunities, parties and just ENJOYING myself. I couldn't ask for anything more and I KNOW that things will only get better from here on in. I've said many things and I would never pull through. However this year I couldn't take it anymore. I had to prove myself wrong and show myself that I can make this work. Believing in yourself sounds so tacky, but you guys have no idea where this can possibly take you. Like one of my new business teams has been teaching me..."belief leads to attitude, attitude leads to action, and actions lead to results". Its so easy to get where you want to be. Its just how much do you guys really want it?? Out of all the things I've discovered this year...I think the most helpful and motivational thing was realizing "who I am". This has pushed me to so much realizations in life + discarding all those useless things that only slowed me down. The distractions and drama that don't need my attention to begin with. The answers are so simple and my mind has never been clearer.
I forgot what made me happy on a genuine scale. I can honestly say since 2003 to roughly 2008/2009...I've been searching for things that took way too long to realistically gain. I wanted this and that and comparing myself with the people in the same age group and where they were in life. This is the worst possible thing you could do for yourself. Pushing myself to find that significant other has got me in so much more dramatic states than I can ask for. I got so caught up with keeping in touch with friends and their lives; trying to recreate a personality that I thought would be ideal for me; trying to justify all the reasons for why things came to be. What was I doing...
In all frustration, I believe I wanted to get the old me back. Carefree, meeting new faces, being all crazy, funny and weird without worrying about being judged. That was high school for me hahaha. It really comes down to how much you really want it. Things will come to you. Didn't like being "picked" on all that much in high school. Its happened all my life up until that point and I just had enough. I went to look for new friends and with the help of DDR, AA, pmall, raving and enjoying things I love doing already with people who love the same things just as equally...lets just say I love my social network now :)
This year has been a huge step forward but at the same time, equally as far a step back. What I mean is I think I've been subconsciously doing things I used to do naturally without having me know about it. I wanted...like what i said earlier...to be happy genuinely but not be looking for it by forcing myself to have a good time you know?
I haven't been to a rave/electronica party/concert in YEAAAAAAARS (Daft Punk didn't count because it was JUST them). It was my first time back at a party with almost an endless list of DJs (obviously a majority of unfamiliar names because I have not been in the scene for a while) last night. The reason why I knew this party wasn't sketchy was because "Labour of Love" (the annual event name) has been around since I was raving back in high school. I decided to just go for it because I haven't attended a decent party like this since 2005. Regardless of my lack of sleep from the partying w/ coworkers the night before and going straight to work. The moment I got home, I went to get ready, eat dinner and hopefully have a good time. I couldn't fit a small nap in between. We arrived at Guverment (the venue where LoL was happening) and nostalgia started kicking in. The party was amazing, I felt so dazed because of that lack of sleep, so energetic and being in a room full of people who enjoy that music. The same music all your other friends hate HAHA. Its not the same energy as a crowd you would get at a club. As I watched...the crowd was jumping up and down to the beat and fist pumping the night away. Glow sticks and LED/"photon" lights spotted scattered through out the crowd. Lasers flying all across the room reflecting off mirrors creating designs that make you just go awe. The bass so loud that it creates inanimate objects to dance on the surface of the stage. And the volume blasted so loud your ears still ring as you type a blog entry almost 15 hours after the event began. This has truly been eventful for me. A perfect way to end this summer and before I start something new.
Sometime during that night, I told my friend Andy that I forgot how fun these events could be. I couldn't believe how much fun I was having considering I had 3 drinks (which was at the begining and mr smily melvy didnt last too long) and also not being on the influence of a certain little pill (quit in 2004 *claps*). I got that feeling of being genuinely happy without being drunk. I remember what it felt like and I want to never forget this feeling again.
...tomorrow is the first step to my new life!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! :D
Art used to make me happy because it was my passion. But I got lazy and unmotivated and hated art because it felt like a chore. Having to do something rather than wanting to do something. I'm going into school with a new mindset as well as an open one. I'm going to get some where and gain so much more than what I initially expected. I've never been more excited to start school my whole life. LETS DO THIS!!!!
THANK YOU EVERYONE THE PAST YEAR, THE PAST FEW MONTHS, THE PAST FEW WEEKS, THE PAST FEW DAYS...thank you for pushing me to where i am and where i will be going. Whether some have been pushing me directly or for some of you who have been doing it without you even knowing....thank you so damn much...the ty list is way to long so I'm gonna leave it at that. Its time to finally gain some sleep for when I finally do get up...BOOM* watch out 9am drawing/painting class...melvy is on his way.
woot!~
btw; ironic how after typing this whole entry...the first paragraph makes no sense LOL :D (y) "melvin yuen likes this"
This summer, heck, THIS YEAR has been so exciting. As each day passes its just "what's next, what's next, what's next!??!" Getting accepted, opportunities, parties and just ENJOYING myself. I couldn't ask for anything more and I KNOW that things will only get better from here on in. I've said many things and I would never pull through. However this year I couldn't take it anymore. I had to prove myself wrong and show myself that I can make this work. Believing in yourself sounds so tacky, but you guys have no idea where this can possibly take you. Like one of my new business teams has been teaching me..."belief leads to attitude, attitude leads to action, and actions lead to results". Its so easy to get where you want to be. Its just how much do you guys really want it?? Out of all the things I've discovered this year...I think the most helpful and motivational thing was realizing "who I am". This has pushed me to so much realizations in life + discarding all those useless things that only slowed me down. The distractions and drama that don't need my attention to begin with. The answers are so simple and my mind has never been clearer.
I forgot what made me happy on a genuine scale. I can honestly say since 2003 to roughly 2008/2009...I've been searching for things that took way too long to realistically gain. I wanted this and that and comparing myself with the people in the same age group and where they were in life. This is the worst possible thing you could do for yourself. Pushing myself to find that significant other has got me in so much more dramatic states than I can ask for. I got so caught up with keeping in touch with friends and their lives; trying to recreate a personality that I thought would be ideal for me; trying to justify all the reasons for why things came to be. What was I doing...
In all frustration, I believe I wanted to get the old me back. Carefree, meeting new faces, being all crazy, funny and weird without worrying about being judged. That was high school for me hahaha. It really comes down to how much you really want it. Things will come to you. Didn't like being "picked" on all that much in high school. Its happened all my life up until that point and I just had enough. I went to look for new friends and with the help of DDR, AA, pmall, raving and enjoying things I love doing already with people who love the same things just as equally...lets just say I love my social network now :)
This year has been a huge step forward but at the same time, equally as far a step back. What I mean is I think I've been subconsciously doing things I used to do naturally without having me know about it. I wanted...like what i said earlier...to be happy genuinely but not be looking for it by forcing myself to have a good time you know?
I haven't been to a rave/electronica party/concert in YEAAAAAAARS (Daft Punk didn't count because it was JUST them). It was my first time back at a party with almost an endless list of DJs (obviously a majority of unfamiliar names because I have not been in the scene for a while) last night. The reason why I knew this party wasn't sketchy was because "Labour of Love" (the annual event name) has been around since I was raving back in high school. I decided to just go for it because I haven't attended a decent party like this since 2005. Regardless of my lack of sleep from the partying w/ coworkers the night before and going straight to work. The moment I got home, I went to get ready, eat dinner and hopefully have a good time. I couldn't fit a small nap in between. We arrived at Guverment (the venue where LoL was happening) and nostalgia started kicking in. The party was amazing, I felt so dazed because of that lack of sleep, so energetic and being in a room full of people who enjoy that music. The same music all your other friends hate HAHA. Its not the same energy as a crowd you would get at a club. As I watched...the crowd was jumping up and down to the beat and fist pumping the night away. Glow sticks and LED/"photon" lights spotted scattered through out the crowd. Lasers flying all across the room reflecting off mirrors creating designs that make you just go awe. The bass so loud that it creates inanimate objects to dance on the surface of the stage. And the volume blasted so loud your ears still ring as you type a blog entry almost 15 hours after the event began. This has truly been eventful for me. A perfect way to end this summer and before I start something new.
Sometime during that night, I told my friend Andy that I forgot how fun these events could be. I couldn't believe how much fun I was having considering I had 3 drinks (which was at the begining and mr smily melvy didnt last too long) and also not being on the influence of a certain little pill (quit in 2004 *claps*). I got that feeling of being genuinely happy without being drunk. I remember what it felt like and I want to never forget this feeling again.
...tomorrow is the first step to my new life!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! :D
Art used to make me happy because it was my passion. But I got lazy and unmotivated and hated art because it felt like a chore. Having to do something rather than wanting to do something. I'm going into school with a new mindset as well as an open one. I'm going to get some where and gain so much more than what I initially expected. I've never been more excited to start school my whole life. LETS DO THIS!!!!
THANK YOU EVERYONE THE PAST YEAR, THE PAST FEW MONTHS, THE PAST FEW WEEKS, THE PAST FEW DAYS...thank you for pushing me to where i am and where i will be going. Whether some have been pushing me directly or for some of you who have been doing it without you even knowing....thank you so damn much...the ty list is way to long so I'm gonna leave it at that. Its time to finally gain some sleep for when I finally do get up...BOOM* watch out 9am drawing/painting class...melvy is on his way.
woot!~
btw; ironic how after typing this whole entry...the first paragraph makes no sense LOL :D (y) "melvin yuen likes this"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
home.
wishing i could be where i once were.
when everything was less trivial and simple.
but as each day passes, the distance from it constantly grows.
unfortunately, so do i.
letting go is hard. as much as i want to. i can't seem to pull myself to do it.
i've spent too much time hoping & wishing. leaving opportunities go to waste.
has everything been a waste? i sure hope not. but what is it really?
i don't know.
i should be doing this for myself. but this is clearly not the case.
it has never been.
no matter what i've done, it's always ended up the same
old habbits die hard.
i have to get out of here. go far away. start fresh.
one day. for now all i can do is work towards it. work hard i will.
distance only makes the heart grow fonder.
...
i look at myself and i don't see the person i was 6-7 years ago.
freshly graduated high school student. LIFE does have its surprises.
i would have never expected this for myself.
(no one does)
i want to quit. i want to get rid of everything.
this lifestyle has been interesting but its not what i expected it to be.
if that's done, what will i be. what will i become?
i haven't been more lost.
im tired. despite of all this. i am fine.
screwing up is suppose to happen. no one is perfect.
what more can one do but be happy. must stop the negativity.
i want to go home.
when everything was less trivial and simple.
but as each day passes, the distance from it constantly grows.
unfortunately, so do i.
letting go is hard. as much as i want to. i can't seem to pull myself to do it.
i've spent too much time hoping & wishing. leaving opportunities go to waste.
has everything been a waste? i sure hope not. but what is it really?
i don't know.
i should be doing this for myself. but this is clearly not the case.
it has never been.
no matter what i've done, it's always ended up the same
old habbits die hard.
i have to get out of here. go far away. start fresh.
one day. for now all i can do is work towards it. work hard i will.
distance only makes the heart grow fonder.
...
i look at myself and i don't see the person i was 6-7 years ago.
freshly graduated high school student. LIFE does have its surprises.
i would have never expected this for myself.
(no one does)
i want to quit. i want to get rid of everything.
this lifestyle has been interesting but its not what i expected it to be.
if that's done, what will i be. what will i become?
i haven't been more lost.
im tired. despite of all this. i am fine.
screwing up is suppose to happen. no one is perfect.
what more can one do but be happy. must stop the negativity.
i want to go home.
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