First, I would like to apologize for not posting to those who follow me or check up for updates. I have been slacking off in the blogging department only because I find myself not having much to talk about anymore. I guess it comes with growing up. In high school I found myself "blogging" all the time through AA, livejournal/xanga and finally moving on to facebook notes. I'd type a huge entry with all the small details of the day, issue and/or event i would be talking about. I have cut down piece by piece to the point where i wouldn't write anything at all. I guess I've tried to paint that picture for my readers but with words because the art at that time was lacking (still is). But I am no writer after all. But regardless I just wanted to say that.
This summer, heck, THIS YEAR has been so exciting. As each day passes its just "what's next, what's next, what's next!??!" Getting accepted, opportunities, parties and just ENJOYING myself. I couldn't ask for anything more and I KNOW that things will only get better from here on in. I've said many things and I would never pull through. However this year I couldn't take it anymore. I had to prove myself wrong and show myself that I can make this work. Believing in yourself sounds so tacky, but you guys have no idea where this can possibly take you. Like one of my new business teams has been teaching me..."belief leads to attitude, attitude leads to action, and actions lead to results". Its so easy to get where you want to be. Its just how much do you guys really want it?? Out of all the things I've discovered this year...I think the most helpful and motivational thing was realizing "who I am". This has pushed me to so much realizations in life + discarding all those useless things that only slowed me down. The distractions and drama that don't need my attention to begin with. The answers are so simple and my mind has never been clearer.
I forgot what made me happy on a genuine scale. I can honestly say since 2003 to roughly 2008/2009...I've been searching for things that took way too long to realistically gain. I wanted this and that and comparing myself with the people in the same age group and where they were in life. This is the worst possible thing you could do for yourself. Pushing myself to find that significant other has got me in so much more dramatic states than I can ask for. I got so caught up with keeping in touch with friends and their lives; trying to recreate a personality that I thought would be ideal for me; trying to justify all the reasons for why things came to be. What was I doing...
In all frustration, I believe I wanted to get the old me back. Carefree, meeting new faces, being all crazy, funny and weird without worrying about being judged. That was high school for me hahaha. It really comes down to how much you really want it. Things will come to you. Didn't like being "picked" on all that much in high school. Its happened all my life up until that point and I just had enough. I went to look for new friends and with the help of DDR, AA, pmall, raving and enjoying things I love doing already with people who love the same things just as equally...lets just say I love my social network now :)
This year has been a huge step forward but at the same time, equally as far a step back. What I mean is I think I've been subconsciously doing things I used to do naturally without having me know about it. I wanted...like what i said earlier...to be happy genuinely but not be looking for it by forcing myself to have a good time you know?
I haven't been to a rave/electronica party/concert in YEAAAAAAARS (Daft Punk didn't count because it was JUST them). It was my first time back at a party with almost an endless list of DJs (obviously a majority of unfamiliar names because I have not been in the scene for a while) last night. The reason why I knew this party wasn't sketchy was because "Labour of Love" (the annual event name) has been around since I was raving back in high school. I decided to just go for it because I haven't attended a decent party like this since 2005. Regardless of my lack of sleep from the partying w/ coworkers the night before and going straight to work. The moment I got home, I went to get ready, eat dinner and hopefully have a good time. I couldn't fit a small nap in between. We arrived at Guverment (the venue where LoL was happening) and nostalgia started kicking in. The party was amazing, I felt so dazed because of that lack of sleep, so energetic and being in a room full of people who enjoy that music. The same music all your other friends hate HAHA. Its not the same energy as a crowd you would get at a club. As I watched...the crowd was jumping up and down to the beat and fist pumping the night away. Glow sticks and LED/"photon" lights spotted scattered through out the crowd. Lasers flying all across the room reflecting off mirrors creating designs that make you just go awe. The bass so loud that it creates inanimate objects to dance on the surface of the stage. And the volume blasted so loud your ears still ring as you type a blog entry almost 15 hours after the event began. This has truly been eventful for me. A perfect way to end this summer and before I start something new.
Sometime during that night, I told my friend Andy that I forgot how fun these events could be. I couldn't believe how much fun I was having considering I had 3 drinks (which was at the begining and mr smily melvy didnt last too long) and also not being on the influence of a certain little pill (quit in 2004 *claps*). I got that feeling of being genuinely happy without being drunk. I remember what it felt like and I want to never forget this feeling again.
...tomorrow is the first step to my new life!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! :D
Art used to make me happy because it was my passion. But I got lazy and unmotivated and hated art because it felt like a chore. Having to do something rather than wanting to do something. I'm going into school with a new mindset as well as an open one. I'm going to get some where and gain so much more than what I initially expected. I've never been more excited to start school my whole life. LETS DO THIS!!!!
THANK YOU EVERYONE THE PAST YEAR, THE PAST FEW MONTHS, THE PAST FEW WEEKS, THE PAST FEW DAYS...thank you for pushing me to where i am and where i will be going. Whether some have been pushing me directly or for some of you who have been doing it without you even knowing....thank you so damn much...the ty list is way to long so I'm gonna leave it at that. Its time to finally gain some sleep for when I finally do get up...BOOM* watch out 9am drawing/painting class...melvy is on his way.
btw; ironic how after typing this whole entry...the first paragraph makes no sense LOL :D (y) "melvin yuen likes this"